Pregnancy is so magical and guess what so is becoming a parent, but it is scary. What do you do with this tiny new human? How do you still hold on to yourself and your relationship? There is seriously so much more to being a parent then just feed the baby, sleep, and change the baby.
Sure the baby just needs to eat, sleep, be loved, and have clean clothes. But you have to do all of those things while still taking care of yourself. Sounds simple but it isn’t and depending on if you deal with any postpartum depression it can be even harder.
Related post: My Biggest Regret as a parent
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Best Advice for New Parents
Lower your expectations
Yep, drop what you are expecting your day to look like and just learn with your new arrival! Not all babies are the same and some will need more snuggles and demand more from you making it hard to get things done. But caring for that baby is the most important.
Need a good real life example? Check my post about lowering your expectations as a stay at home mom.
Maybe you need to know it is okay that your house isn’t clean? I got you! My house is lived in and it’s okay. If company is coming and they have an issue with the mess, then they can offer to help clean and if not then they don’t need to worry about it!!!
Don’t create a schedule
I have to hold back giggles when I hear first time moms to be talk about how their days are going to go. And how baby is going to sleep through the night by 2 months. I may sound mean, but that is just not how that works.
My 17 month old doesn’t sleep through the night, she wakes at 3 am and is ready to go for the day and then naps an hour. Guess what? She was a great sleeper from 6 months till a year!
We won’t even talk about the 3 year old… ok I will it wasn’t until almost a month after her 3rd birthday that she slept through the night! Before that I can count the nights on 1 finger.
Team Coffee here! Psst it’s ok to drink coffee and breastfeed.
Having a mind set of how things are going to go, can just lead to more stress for everyone! Read my post about having a calmer household schedule free.
If someone is wanting to help you let them! But don’t say here you hold the baby so I can clean. Let them clean while you bond and rest. If they want to hold baby after helping with some house work then take that time to shower, and maybe get in a nap.
Don’t feel like you are being a burden. They have offered to help so relax and be thankful. I didn’t allow people to help me and I regret it, and you better believe the next baby I will take all the help I can get! I might even beg for it. Desperate times call for desperate measures!
Related Post: The Best Gifts for New Moms and Moms to be
Don’t be quite
Babies are use to noise. They can hear your heartbeat, intestines, and the sounds around you while they are in the womb so when they are born you do not need to be silent for them to sleep. Often times babies struggle to sleep when it is quite.
Both my girls fell asleep in the car in minutes to certain songs. My oldest was Metallica’s Whiskey in the Jar and my youngest was Christ Stapleton’s I was Wrong. Why? Not a clue but when we played those songs the tears stopped and they would fall asleep.
At home I played those songs on my phone and used a sound machine often. I have to sleep with sound! The quite kills me and I have lived in the country most of my life and just a car driving by wakes me because it is so loud in the silence. So a constant sound helps me too!
Don’t stop your life because your baby is asleep. You can clean and talk and watch a movie and just chill!!! And well lets face it if you have any other kids quite just doesn’t exist!
Be in the moment
Enjoy the now, don’t stress about what milestones should be happening right now and how your baby maybe isn’t doing everything. Again babies are different and some babies take more time to do some things. If you really feel there is an issue talk to your pediatrician.
Don’t try to get every new moment on your phone because they will do those things a million more times. Just put down your phone and enjoy that baby!
You won’t love every second
As fun and magical it is carrying and giving birth and then raising a new human it is also hard. There will be great times, days and weeks. But there will be times when you ask yourself why.
Why won’t my baby sleep?
Why did I just try to move my baby and she woke up?
Why is my baby crying?
Why am I crying?
Seriously, it is normal and will happen to the best of us and it is okay to not love every moment that is what makes us human. Just remember no matter how hard it is this too shall pass. This moment of struggle, this sleepless night, it will end and in a few years, or a dozen, you will miss it.
In the same token enjoy those times when it is great and fun and stress free. Is that a thing? Stress free with kids? Sure I’ll go with it.
Remember your partner
As a mom to be you may be thinking well duh, we love each other. But sleepless nights, the stress of a crying baby, and caring for a new human makes it hard to keep the love going. Take the time to remain who you are as a couple.
If you use to love watching movies together then rent a new movie and watch it while cuddling with each other. Maybe you love board games, then play one while baby is napping or getting some tummy time. I can say it becomes much, much harder when kids become mobile!
Little things mean the most
- hug each other
- tell each other thank you
- don’t say things like “I did it last time”
- ask for help because they may not know you need it
- hold hands
- fall in love with the way they parent
- let them bond with baby
You can’t spoil a baby
For real guys! If your baby likes to be held it isn’t because you spoiled them it is comforting! If that is becoming an issue for your family get a good carrier and enjoy those snuggles.
Hearing people tell moms that their baby will be spoiled makes my skin crawl a bit. No, just no! Cuddle, rock, and just enjoy that baby because in a few short months they will be crawling and on a mission to get it to anything new.
If you need more reassurance check out the 4th trimester it is a thing! As mammals we are born the least developed because our bodies couldn’t handle the baby getting bigger, but we need to continue to care and hold our babies tight.
So don’t worry about how much you are holding your baby, because you and your baby need that time. To get to know one another and to bond.
I hate the sleep when the baby sleeps because that is just crap! I know with my kids by the time I get comfy and start to fall asleep they wake up! Now we are both tired and I am crabby because I was just falling asleep! That is not the way to get more sleep!
Now you want more sleep? Dream feeding is the way to get that done! You and your baby get to sleep a nice longer stretch of sleep and can feel better come morning. Basically you are going to nurse baby again before they wake to nurse.
You can read more about how to dream feed here!
Please share below the best advice for new parents so we can help out each other! As we all know becoming a parent is exciting but it is also scary!