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Making mommy friends as a stay at home mom

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Thought high school was rough?

Think Again!

Making mommy friends is SO incredibly hard!

I was so excited to have the chance to stay home when I had my oldest 2.5 years ago, but I quickly felt isolated and lonely. I would go to the store just to talk to an adult… well I still do that. Ha Ha. I tried to connect with old friends from school who also now have kids, but it just didn’t work. They worked and then when they were home they just wanted to be with their family. Of course that’s understandable, but I was alone all day.

Put yourself out there

I found a MOPS group and started going immediately (it’s an international group so start looking), and I thought oh yes I’ll make friends and we will hangout every week and they will understand me! Yeah, that didn’t happen. Turns out in the months away from people and the change that happens to a person who becomes a parent made me awkward, like real awkward.

One day I ran in to a sweet mom with a little boy close to the same age as my oldest and he was in a cloth diaper! As a cloth diapering momma I was like “YES” an easy segue way into conversation. So we got talking and she invited me in to a local Facebook group of like minded mommas (turns out someone had already added me) and I was again hopeful.

Shortly after this Lucas started a new job working second shift which meant he slept all day and worked all night and I was just alone!

This local mom group got together a few weeks later and it was so much fun! We had snacks and our kids played and we got to talk and it was magical! I felt confident that we would all be the best of friends! Months went by and we messaged each other but never got together again.

A few of us were pregnant, myself included, and life just kinda got away from us. I got together with one of the moms and a few of us go together to sew or go to a pumpkin patch, but I was still missing that feeling of a tribe. I wanted that community feeling!

I started to wonder was this just a lost hope? Did this only happen in fairy tails? Was I meant to just be lonely? Could I find my mommy friends?

I would go to the park and events, and while I wanted my daughter to have fun I also hoped I would meet someone that it would just click with. Someone who could come over to my messy house, not judge me, drink coffee while I fold laundry and just talk. Just someone to enjoy a few hours with! Was I asking too much? Was I crazy to think it was possible?

A Glimmer of Hope

Well that local Facebook group of friends decided we needed a craft day once a month just to get some time without having to entertain the kids to get something done! We meet once a month for those “craft days” I use quotes because we never really do anything but eat, drink coffee and tea, and chat! It is seriously the most amazing day! We do park meetups and such in between as well and I finally feel like I found it. We breastfeed, cloth diaper, garden, love nature, and we just fit together! I found my tribe, my women who don’t judge because my house is cluttered or my kids are naked, or I haven’t had the chance to get the food ready before they arrive. Women who get it! They stay home too, they all breastfeed, they struggle because their husbands work long, weird, crazy hours too! It is amazing!

So I guess what I am saying, is if you haven’t found your tribe, don’t give up! Don’t stop putting yourself out their because it hasn’t happened yet! I can’t tell you how amazing it is when it happens! So if you read this Anna, Kara, Noeha, and Karissa just know I can’t thank you ladies enough for the impact you have had on my mental health and I value your friendship more than any other. Keep looking for your mommy friends!

Finding your mom tribe is so hard to do but once you find it you won't want to let them go! Making mom friends as a stay at home can be scary and intimidating but man is it worth it. When your kids have someone to play with and you have someone to talk with at the same time it is an incredible feelings. mom advice, parenting advice, play dates, making mom friends, mom tribe, finding your tribe

Tales From Mamaville

 

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39 Comments

  1. I love this… still searching for my tribe, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the struggle and isolation!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      You are so not alone! I can’t believe how much having that tribe has changed my outlook on my day! It is so hard all winter especially since I live in the country and sometimes making it out of house is a safety hazard! I hope you find your tribe soon and in the mean time I’m also open to more friends! Check out my new Facebook Page I’m always one click away!

  2. I totally relate. It can get super lonely being a stay home parent. Still looking for my tribe πŸ˜‰.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      I hope you find one soon!

  3. Phew I am not the only one! I had the same issues when living in the UK, I just felt awkward, like I just didn’t fit in. We had a bit of a short lived success at a French toddlers group, the people were lovely, it was rather the 50 minute drive there and another 50 minutes back that was a bit of a draw (on a Monday morning too!). We did meet a lovely couple who we are still in touch with now even though we have since moved to France. I am still searching for that group or person who I can “click” with and you have given me hope that it exists and to not give up. It doesn’t help that me and my husband both work from home and not many people can’t relate to that, but I won’t give up the search πŸ™‚

    1. becomingschultz says:

      I couldn’t imagine moving and trying to find friends again! My friends have seriously brought me out of my funk and I’d be more of a hot mess without them!

  4. I’m happy you came out smiling from the other end. I hope you now look out for others who desire friendship.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      Thank you, I do keep a more open mind and try to reach out to others!

  5. Oh how I can relate to this. Not as a mommy, but as a military spouse. I never imagined it would be so hard to find friends as an adult. You’re exactly right though to “keep putting yourself out there.” Thank you for sharing this journey as it is relatable to so many people and will inspire others to keep searching for their new tribe.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      It is so hard! Thank you, I didn’t even really think about it helping those other then moms, but it can so relate to anyone struggling to find a new tribe!

  6. Denise says:

    oh how much this resonates with me right now. I am a WAH mom to a 15 months old with another one on the way and I really need my tribe right now, just someone who will understand when I say I only slept 3 hours and relate. I admit i really havent put myself out there seriously but this gives me the push i needed to start looling for my new tribe. thanks for sharing.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      It’s so helpful! My girls are 19 months apart and it can be hard but friend support is so helpful! Have you looked for a MOPS group?

  7. Having friends.. Genuine at that is always a blessing.

  8. I can only imagine how isolating it is to be a stay at home mom. Social media definitely brings us together, though! I started my own mom group so that I could meet other like -minded moms. A good support system is essential!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      Social media is great, and I found it so convenient during the winter, but I found it was hindering me from really putting myself out there. Thanks to some postpartum depression I struggled, but I’m so happy I finally stepped out and found some amazing moms!

  9. Makenzie says:

    I feel you so much on this. My little is almost 3 months and friends are hard to come by. It’s funny though, I met my now best friend because we both cloth diaper !!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      That’s too funny, but finding a mom that does some things like you do makes it so easy to relate.

  10. I think all stay-at-home moms (like me) can relate to the stop-and-go nature of building friendships with other moms. Because, yes, we’re all busy and our days are dictated by little children’s schedules — which don’t always align with each other’s. πŸ˜› It’s helped me to accept that friendship at this stage in my life is not going to look like friendship at other stages in my life. There will be a lot fewer get-togethers — especially without kids! But I’ve always come to appreciate the friends I have and really strive to nurture those relationships. Thanks for your insights!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      It is so true, trying to get together usually ends in half of us showing up with out showers, kids not fed, and stressed. Thankfully we can all be judge free and do what we can to support each other! I’m a hot mess mom and I have no issues with embracing it, and I was lucky enough to find moms that don’t judge me for that and they too can share their flaws! We all have them and in this age of social media it is so easy to just show the happy times.

  11. I’m still searching for my tribe! It’s hard to do that in New York and we’re in Queens and not in Manhattan. If only we’re close to parks.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      I can’t imagine being in a big city hoping to find the right people!

  12. I get it πŸ™‚ I felt so alone for so long too! I would find great moms but didn’t like their children, great children but the mom wouldn’t want to engage with me while I would desperately try to bring up conversation starters. I finally found a great friend and we get together all the time. Sometimes it’s like finding a spouse, you have to find the right one haha.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      It is so hard to find the balance! It is so like finding a spouse! lol

  13. What a great post! I am still looking for my mom tribe, but I am a newly made SAHM. It is not easy, thats for sure, but I hope to find like minded women πŸ™‚

    1. becomingschultz says:

      Good luck it really helps make those long days better!

  14. Oh my gosh, I can totally relate! I am in NEED of a tribe πŸ™‚

    1. becomingschultz says:

      I hope you find one!

  15. I love this post!! I can so relate! Still looking for my tribe. I feel like I’ll meet a mom friend, we will have a few play dates and then they disappear! Thanks for the encouragement to keep looking.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      That must be so hard! Keep looking you’ll find a tribe.

  16. Love this! It is SO hard to put ourselves out there, but so so important. I just moved to a new town and met my closest friend by chatting with her at the neighborhood park. It helped our kiddos were playing! Best part was, while we were in the beginning of shopping for homes, we ended up buying here and now we’re neighbors! I am so glad I let my guard down and asked to exchange numbers!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      That is so exciting! It can be so hard to put yourself out there but it can be so rewarding!

  17. Oh I absolutely agree with this! It took me a long time to find my tribe, and a lot of trial and error of going to lots of different playgroups and baby classes. Its not easy at all, but so worth the effort!

    1. becomingschultz says:

      We have been to so many playgroups, and just park visits. I can’t say how many times I have tried to talk to some mom’s at the park and got the nose in the air…. why? I don’t have a clue! It is totally worth the effort

  18. This is so true, being a stay at home mum can be so incredibly lonely. I’ve only recently (after 4 years) found three women who I feel comfortable with…I’m due any day with my third boy and one of my ladies took my eldest out for the day so I could nap when my youngest did!! Having that backup has been life changing!! Thank you for sharing. #itsok

    1. becomingschultz says:

      Oh that sounds incredible! That is what mommyhood is about right? Helping each other be successful even if that is just giving them a little break, or helping them with dishes. Friends are family you get to pick and I couldn’t be happier with the ones I have picked!

  19. It’s really lovely that you managed to find a way to really connect with other Mums. I have found it really hard to connect (and stay connected!) with new Mum friends since starting my family 7 years ago. Now I’m a Mum of 3 who works from home I find it harder than ever. I do really rate Facebook groups for connecting with other Mums (In fact I run one myself these days, It’s called The Mum Conundrum if you fancy joining us). I’m glad you’ve found your tribe. Thanks for linking up with #ItsOK xxx

    1. becomingschultz says:

      It is so hard! Either you have the same parenting style, or you have to be able to not judge and think about how you would do something! We are all so different, but often times have the same struggles!

  20. This is one of the hardest parts of being a SAHM – feeling isolated and lonely:( And making good aka real mummy friends is not always easy. But attending play groups is a good starting point – I met some of my (now) best mummy friends there. You can also make friends at your local park because you will see the same faces at the playground there.

    1. becomingschultz says:

      That is so amazing. I love going to parks and getting an idea of the moms who enjoy getting that outside play as often as we do!

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